There
I was on a Friday afternoon at the gym. Trying to remember some of
the Lorinda Death Workouts. So after sweating a Black Sea of sweat
(is that really possible?) I headed out to do some shopping. Nope
not clothes, nope not groceries. And certainly not tractors,
definitely not motorcycles with sidecars, and absolutely not books
about Sea Turtles. But I was shopping.
Walking
from one store to the next, I’m walking but not being aware. It’s
a pleasant sunny Autumn afternoon and I’m a retired person. So
enjoying a pleasant Autumn afternoon is what I’m supposed to be
doing. Spoiler Alert! Here it comes!
Suddenly,
I’m flailing like Elaine dancing on Seinfeld. One step almost
going over. Second step gaining, but very precariously heading into
the danger zone. Third step brain has re-engaged and message to legs
(“Get your #$%& together”), message received. Balance
re-stored with no falling down of the ego. Quickly looking around
with a “ I meant to do that” face I see that the sidewalk I was
blithely walking on end in a 6” high curb. I start laughing as I
realize I just pulled a “nose deep in cellphone” stunt, without a
cellphone.
I
survived though, so the rest of the afternoon should be good. Oh how
wrong I could be. So finished shopping and was heading back to the
car.
Start
walking, being a bit more aware of the world around me. As I meander
back I realize that I’m thinking about the fact that I’m a bit
foggy on the exact locus of my CAR! Not to worry, it’s not a huge
parking lot, just a very big parking lot. My brain says “Ok I am
100% positive we walked past this store, after we parked”. Now
about the time my brain has said this precise thing for the last 4
stores, I start to think “Houston we have a problem”. So
stopping to re-assess, I decide to strike out into the parking lot.
Walking backwards and forwards, as my poor demented brain machine
tries to work some weird illogical pattern. Hoping to Pacheinko it
into finding said vehicle. HA! What Fun!! Not! I will never again
laugh at jokes about old people.
I
of course found my car.
I’d
walked the parking lot muttering to myself and waving my clenched
fists to the heavens. Cursing that pleasant autumn afternoon. Small
children are being herded away from the path of the raving lunatic,
birds start flying north instead of south due to the heaven cursing
and as if by magic my car appears suddenly out of thin air. Ha if
only, what a story that would make. And that’s Al’s first and
probably not his last senior moment.
PS
Now I just have to remember where I put my keys.
“Refrigerator”-nope-check. “Microwave”-nope-check. ;-)
